Kristal Lee

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It happened somewhere between 11:00pm and 5:00am. I went to sleep with a flat tummy and poof! I arose with a marshmallowy middle. Prof X’s first response was to poke my belly button to see if I giggled like the Pillsbury dough boy.

I didn’t.

He tried to lighten my mood with reassurances.
WARNING: I like squeezing your cushy parts is NOT a comfort to a woman whose body has unexpectedly metamorphosized into something other than a supermodel.

How the hell did this happen?

I eat right.
Mostly.
Ok, pizza, buffalo chicken sandwiches and French fries might appear more often than not in my diet but otherwise I avoid dairy products, fried and other high fat foods.

Exercise?
Most days I’m on the go from the time I roll out of bed until I roll back into it. I’ve little time for an exercise routine. A body in constant motion burns calories, right? And, now that I think about it, sometimes I run in my sleep. That should count for something.

Age?
Don’t even mention it. I’ll pull a Ralph Kramden with a Pow! Right in the kisser.

Without a foreseeable cause, I’m forced to conclude that the sudden deconditioning of my middle is the direct result of …<looks over shoulder and whispers> …a body snatcher. You know what that means, don’t you? 

Aliens are among us.
I’ve watched the X-Files. I know such things are true.

Hollywood has been blatantly exposing the mechanisms of this alien subterfuge since the 1950s with cinematic features such as Invasion of the Body Snatchers and The Puppet Masters. Even now, the warnings are clear.

1. Aliens are zombie-izing our children. (Ask Noah Wylie. He deals with this problem weekly on Falling Skies.)

2. Aliens are snatching the waistlines of maturing women and replacing them with fluff. (It happened to me. It could happen to you.)

Ladies, it’s imperative that you protect yourselves from this type of attack. Guard your middles! These aliens are ninja-trained, slipping past even the ever observant Monster Puppy who instantly alerts when something is amiss. They are shadows that lie in wait, waiting to pounce when you are most vulnerable.

Be diligent. Once these perilous invaders disappear with your flat tummy, you’re forever altered.

But, you don’t have to be defeated. I’ve discovered a new Yoga instructor who promises to help women, just like me, who’ve had their waists stolen.


 

Have you experienced an alien abduction of the waist? Have you overcome or succumb to the alien fluff? How has this encounter impacted your life? You are not alone!

"R" is for raisin' the rafters with Rolling in the Deep performed by Adele. My newest favorite song.



Adele, a 22 year old English singer-songwriter, was the first recipient of the BRIT AWARDS Critics' Choice in 2008. Her album 21 spent 11 consecutive weeks at number one on the UK Album Charts, surpassing Madonna's 1990's album The Immaculate Collection. Since its release, 21 has broken the UK record for digital downloads.

Seems that Adele isn't just rolling in the deep, she's rolling in the dough.

After a three year hiatus, Evanescence will be headed into the studio this month to begin recording their third album. I, for one, am excited that the fall will bring me new tunes from this Little Rock, Arkansas band that catapulted to success in 2005. I love listening to their songs. They put me in the right frame of mind for dark paranormals.

Do you believe your eyes?



Or the scientific explanation that the ghostly horseman is a reflection of the leaping flames in the background?

On Monday, I revealed a little about myself, but among the tidbits was a fabrication. So, which fact didn't belong?

On a cruise to Jamaica, our ship had to wait several hours before coming ashore in Montego Bay because fuliguline had congregated in the port.

I did take a cruise to Jamaica. The lie was that the ship was delayed. Fuliguline blocking the port and eating duck for dinner are exaggerations of the lie.

K.C. suggested that I wasn't really afraid of killer rabbits. After much thought, I had to agree. Although the statement wasn't an intentional lie, more than likely I would tame the critter and turn it into a pet. Having an attack bunny would be awesome!

Thanks to my sister for sharing.

Photo: dizzyboy.com This Sunday Pondering brings to mind one of my favorite song's lyrics by the Eurhythmics : Here comes the rain again Falling on my head like a memory Falling on my head like a new emotion... Here comes the rain again Raining in my head like a tragedy Tearing me apart like a new emotion...

I love the new year. It's a chance to leave the struggles, disappointments, and less than successful endeavors behind and start fresh. A clean slate with only the hopes, dreams, and expectations for the good things to come. Blessings to everyone for a healthy, happy, and harmonious year.


~kristal lee

I wouldn't mind a little fire breathing dragon for Christmas :)

Thank you to the men and women of the US Armed Forces, here and abroad, who diligently protect our freedoms with their hearts, souls, and very lives.

On this Faery Friday, I hope you enjoy "The King of the Fairies" by Amadeus as much as I did.